How to live life fully as a people pleaser!

People-pleasing is a behaviour pattern in which people prioritise the needs, desires, and opinions of others over their own. It often involves going out of one's way to make others happy, even at the expense of personal well-being. This can lead to difficulty setting boundaries, saying no, and expressing one's true feelings or needs.

Do you ever feel like a chameleon going from room to room, changing your colours to conform to the people you are with?

Key Characteristics of People Pleasing:

1. Difficulty Saying No: People pleasers often need help to refuse requests, even when they are inconvenient, unreasonable, or against their best interests.

2. Fear of Rejection or Conflict: They may go to great lengths to avoid conflict or rejection, believing that saying no or disagreeing will lead to disapproval.

3. Low Self-Esteem: People pleasers often tie their self-worth to the approval and validation of others, feeling valuable only when they are liked or praised.

4. Overcommitting: They may take on too many responsibilities or agree to do things they don't want to do because they feel obligated to please others.

5. Suppressed Emotions: They might hide or suppress their true feelings, pretending to be okay with things that actually bother them to avoid upsetting others.

   
   

Consequences of People Pleasing:

• Burnout: Constantly putting others first can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.

• Resentment: Over time, people-pleasers may start to feel resentful toward others for taking advantage of their kindness, even if they never express this.

• Loss of Identity: They may lose touch with their own needs, desires, and values, focusing so much on others that they forget who they really are.

• Strained Relationships: Despite their efforts to please, people pleasers might still face strained or unbalanced relationships, as others may take them for granted.

  
  

Many people struggle with people-pleasing, but they can overcome it through self-reflection, boundary-setting, and assertiveness training. Therapy can help you understand what events or experiences have led you to need to please others before yourself. It might be that you have learnt to people-please to keep the peace, or it fulfils some self-acceptance that you otherwise feel you would not achieve.

As a recovering (and sometimes still a guilty) people-pleaser, I can tell you that you can break this cycle and learn that your own needs are not only important but essential for your happiness and living your fullest life —Being a chameleon isn't the only way. Let yourself be unapologetically you!

Some Tips for Breaking the Cycle:

• Self-Awareness: Recognizing the pattern of people-pleasing behaviour is the first step towards change.

• Setting Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries and say no when necessary is crucial.

• Building Self-Esteem: Focusing on self-worth independent of others' opinions helps reduce the need for external validation.

• Practice Assertiveness: Assertively expressing one's needs and desires without guilt is key to breaking the habit!